Rexs Application

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Jesse1016
Posts: 4
Joined: Thu Sep 01, 2016 7:58 pm
MC name: CaptainRex1018

Rexs Application

Post: # 12055Post Jesse1016 »

Minecraft Username: CaptainRex1018
Age: 14
Where did you hear about us: (If it was from a friend it helps to say which one)well i was just looking for a rp server.
Tell us a little about yourself: Well that i want to record one day.Also that tend to listen to music when battling.

—Roleplay Questions—
[ Please use your own words. ]
What is roleplaying? Well roleplay or (rp) is basicly when you play as character and do something like acting.
What is meta-gaming? well using ooc to know things but you dont actually know as a character
What is power-gaming? It stops other players from rping since they are basicly ignoring ,you are there forcing actions like knocking out ,or just saying you walked in ,and nobody was there.
Exmaple: Like if a person gives you order you follow it ,but that isnt the the example.The example is this your leader says stay out of the base you ignore the order,you act like it never exitsted ,or you punched the officer.
What is retroactive continuity? Changing facts that basicly have already occured in that timeling. Also saying he is fail rping by doing that like if you get shot ,and die you stay dead not moving around like you lived ,or it never really happened.
What is a Mary Sue?Is a perfect character with unrealistic abilites ,and basicly a protagonist.
What is the difference between in-character (IC) and out-of-character (OOC)? well (ic) in charcter your roleplaying as that charcter and (ooc) out of charcter is when your talking but your in game chacter wont lnow this and that its you talking.
Do you have previous experience playing on a RP server? (This won’t affect your acceptance)
Yes on gmod Like ns servers and others
—In-Game Lore Questions (Please answer in your own words)—Well i know the intro
Describe any city in Toro of your choosing: Canvas Town is north of Aurelia ,and the people there are friendly farmers .Also many trainers come from there.
Describe Pix Co.A multinational corperation on electricity,health,retail,etc,but it is known for the pixelball.
—General Character Questions—
[ There is a one paragraph minimum for the appearance, biography, and personality ]
Full name: Jesse Hickory
Age: 18
Appearance:A slender build body Male with black smooth hair like his mothers. Also with his father shallow blue eyes ,and Blue Jacket that he keeps on at all times.Also wearing red ,and white shoes. Also wearing blue jeans ,and has pale skin.He has a white shirt under the jacket ,and blue ,and red striped tie from his father.He also has hair by his eye ,and medium tone voice.His height was 5,4 ,and his weight is 100lbs.

Personality: A calm boy that has the urge to adventure ,and take risk in the world.Jesse was not the best at times with fights ,but he had a spirit with no will he couldnt stop since he would never give up on anything. He has Passion ,and is helpful around anyone.He never really liked riding on anything since he had motion sickness ,so he would overreact to it half of the time.He was very reckless on many things ,but didnt really care it had only matter if Jesse was excited for adventure.Sometimes he would play divious unharmful pranks on people ,and more on friends.


Bio:Jesse was born at a farm in a differnt continent just like his parents ,and his grand parents.Jesse wanted to change that path from happening with him with his wonders about the world he was really know for getting into fights with the other kids at school.A year after that day a huge fire arose from his house when a huge storm had occured ,and hit the house.While he was at his grand parents house caring for them. He had then fled towards the house ,and all he saw was huge flames ,and ashes burning everything. That day he lost his parents. Once the flames where put out he had then asked if there were any survivors ,but everyone had said they had been burnt to ash in the fire with Jesse he had felt many mix emotions being pulled Jesse didnt know what to do,so he moved to his grand parents house. Everything was going ok for Jesse ,but he had to constantly work for money to take care his grand parents.Two years later Jesse's Grandparents had died from the flu. From that point on he didnt know what to do? where to go? or when to go? ,but then he ran to the forest ,and looked for a spot to cry his tears out ,so that none of the other kids saw. Jesse had heard a pixelmon cry in the middle of the forest ,so Jesse went out to find the pixel since it had sounded injuried. Jesse had ran more in the forest then the limit anybody should go ,and found a wild Riolu just sitting there with a giant flu also having to be poisoned from another pixel ,and a leg that had been squeezed as if a Pixelmon used wrap on it. Jesse had rushed to the house that his grandparents had once lived in ,and got any flu medicine left from the bathroom ,and gave it to Riolu. Then Jesse ran to a market to buy a poisoned heal,and a potion since had very little money left he bought those items ,and rushed back spraying them on Riolu.He then wrapped a bandage around Riolu leg. After 4 days Riolu was back in shape ready for anything ,so Jesse let him out of the house ,but Riolu didnt want to leave he stood there ,so Jesse thought it was a good idea why dont i start my journey with Riolu being my pixelmon.When he was 16 he bought a ton of stuff before he went to a differnt region.one year later he was walking down to the pond waiting on his 18th birthday to leave ,and went fishing with Riolu at his side. Then Jesse had a goodtime there since he had captured a few magicarp,but he had realeased them for them to be in the wild.The next day he had turned 18 he gather his supplies ,and equipment ready to take a boat to Cobalt.Then had noticed a burning building he had ran that way to check it out at ,and it was stormy that day ,so he figured it got hit by a lighting ,so he sent out Riolu. He ,and Riolu went in to look for any body there it was a little girl ,and here poocheyana. When he saw that he told Riolu to pick up Poocheyana ,and he would take the little girl out of the house.The next morning he wake up ,and went towards the boat intill the little girl showed up ,and she said thankyou for the help Jesse then replied be careful out there.

Flaws: Jesse has a attitude to take risks which has the chance of killing himself ,but also helps his urge to explore.Jesse didnt really like any support of transportation unless it was on pixelmon back.Since he would get motion sickness.
Ambitions: His goal is to change his course of his family,and explore. Also one day wants to tell his adventures to give hope to beginners.
Starter Pixelmon: Riolu
Skin: (Please include front and back shot or the skin itself.)
http://www.minecraftskins.com/skin/9573 ... t-mind-it/
—Open Response Questions—
[Respond to at least 2 of the 3 scenarios.]

You find yourself standing in a bustling town. Suddenly, a small girl runs up to you, her eyes seeming to glisten with fresh tears as her bottom lip quivers. “Please!” She cries out to you, “You must help me! My poor Meowth is stuck in a tree!” She points to a nearby tree as more tears spill out of her eyes and down her cheeks. How does your character respond?Don't worry little girl your meowth will be fine i'll get him down here ,so stay down here Jesse replied.Also dont foregt to stand back i don't want to fall on top of you as Jesse had replied again.Well what do i do why don't i send out Riolu to get the meowth down said in Jesse thoughts. Ok come out Riolu ,so Riolu your lighter ,and i need your help to get the meowth down do you think you can do that *Riolu will then nodd his head as in yes*Jesse would give a smile to Riolu for it. *Riolu would then climb the tree to the very branch meowth is on ,and Riolu would get closer ,but the branch seemed to lean more ot got to the point where it almost fully bent off ,so Riolu went for a quick grab ,but the branch broke with moewth falling* Well i guess this would be a good time to risk a bone Jesse said.*Then Jesse would jump off the tree ,and grab meowth with protecting him from the landing by using his back to take the damage*.The little girl would then run up ,and hug her meowth ,and thank Jesse for helping* well i goto go ,but have a nice day ,and stay out of trouble.Jesse would give off a smile before seprateing from paths.




You are walking along the road when your eyes lock onto a trainer's in the distance. At that moment, you both freeze in place. You see a glimmer in the trainer's eyes as he reaches for his Pixelball. "Go, Rattata! Show this chump what we've been training for!" the trainer shouts as he swiftly releases his chosen partner in the vacant space that separates the two of you. How does your character respond? Jesse would turn towards him ,and ask what he needs ,but Jesse had already knew what was going on since the rattata is out of its pixelball.Then the trainer replied just looking for a battle.Jesse would then replied saying why don't you address me first before battling ,but if your looking for a battle i'll give you one.The trainer would replied ok lets go Jesse would then threw his pixelball releaseing Riolu to the battle field ,and Riolu was ready ,and prepared for the fight.The trainer would then ask his rattata to use scratch on Riolu as i tell him to dodge both pixels do what they are command ,but rattata has weakness to fighting ,so ill tell Riolu to use low sweep to take out the pixel as Riolu does that the trainer was shocked on what pixel he was fighting as he was just starting out. Rattata would faint ,and the trainer would return his pixel back to the ball as Jesse does the same thing Jesse would say learn some things before battling with adressing ,and keep on going.The trainer would replied thanks for the tips ill be sure to beat you next time ,and both go their seprate paths.
Last edited by Jesse1016 on Sat Sep 10, 2016 12:52 pm, edited 7 times in total.
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Misha
Posts: 917
Joined: Sat Aug 23, 2014 2:55 pm
MC name: Mishpelled

Re: Rexs Application

Post: # 12064Post Misha »

Hello! I'm Misha the whitelister. I got the time and stuff to work on this, so here we go.
I would like to start off that you have a giant section of text right after the 'general character questions'? I'd recommend removing any information there that's repeat in any of the sections, and as it looks like the entirety of it is that way; I'm going to try and ignore it for now.

—Roleplay Questions & Lore—
• Your description for powergaming isn't completely wrong, but it isn't completely right. I would like for you to provide an example as well as how to avoid it so I'm sure you know what it is. Also the description for retroactive continuity is off. We have a guide with the descriptions of each of these here, but please make sure you understand and rewrite it in your own words.
• Your description for a Mary Sue is off. I recommend looking it up on google or something and giving a little bit more on what could define a Mary Sue.
• You can find more info on Pix Co. here and more on the cities here.

—General Character Questions—
• Your character's last name seems rather strange? There is little to no documented cases of anyone in the real world having such a name. Perhaps try to go for something more common, or at least more realistic.
• Your steampunkish skina/appearace does not match the aesthetic of the server. For an idea what might be more appropriate you can google 50s fashion, or just have what is generally normal clothing (with the exception of hoodies and headphones). In addition, this needs to be at least a paragraph long.
• His personality needs to be at least a paragraph long. Perhaps go into detail on how he interacts with strangers, and how he might interact towards friends. In addition, his personality is rather conflicting (he is cold but he likes to help?) Please try to expand upon this more so this makes sense or adjust it to fit.
- For reasons I generally try to recommend new players do not have anti-social characters. You are free to have so, this is just a little bit of warning/advice that it might make it harder to interact with others and get friends. I go into slightly more detail on this subject here.
• You need to develop his flaw more and/or add more flaws. This seems more like a neutral/selfish personality trait rather than a complete flaw.
• His ambitions aren't really ambitions, they're hobbies/interests. An ambition would be something closer to a goal; such as (though cheesy) finding love or making a family, or defeating all the gyms! I would also like to mention that you mentioned building, and generally players aren't allowed to build. This is so we can preserve the quality of the map and builds; the most building newer people tend get to do is decorating their home and/or business (if they get one).
• There is quite a few things about your biography I'd like to discuss or mention...
  • - Where would this village be?
    - Why would he be at a nature reservation to 'surpass death itself'?
    - You suddenly brought 'his group' which you have not mentioned before in the story. What is this group? Where did they come from? What does this group do?
    - Is there a reasoning behind this man with blank eyes and red spiky hair? Was this the person who burnt down the house/building? Why did he do that? Why would a man return to a building he burnt down several years back?
    - He wouldn't be able to 'run to Toros League'. Toro would be a completely different continent, he'd have to take some sort of boat or such to get there. In addition, the region is JUST Toro, not Toro League. Also despite that being the name of the server, it does not have a league.
    - Is there a reason he went to Toro? Was it pure luck, or did he specifically choose it? Either way is fine, just make sure to mention this.
—Open Response Questions—
For this part you have to write your responses in third person, so write it more as if it were from a book! You're also gonna have to be a tad more creative and go into more detail! How does your character react or feel about whatever happens? Add dialogue or actions- and feel free to roleplay for the other character(s) in this situation. Just do enough to make it fit the one paragraph requirement at least for two of them! Also make sure to use your character's name in the response once you do third person; this is so in roleplays with multiple people we can differentiate who said what easier.

—Other—
• We use 'Pixel' to replace 'Poke', so we have Pixelmon and Pixelballs in this universe! I just wanted to inform you since neither Pixelmon nor Pokemon was mentioned and I wasn't sure if you knew.
• Before I stop, I would like to finish off by saying that Toro is a serious RP server, so correct grammar and spelling is important- so important it's in the rules! When writing up something please try and look over it and make sure it has correct spelling and grammar. Your sentences and such feel more like a list and contains a lot of sentence fragments, try and write as if you were writing (or reading) a story rather giving a list of reasons or facts!

There's my review for your application! If you want to discuss it further you are free to post a reply, message me in PMs, or contact me on skype at Mishakiara. If you have any problems, questions, or concerns about anything- well do any of those thing still- or post a thread in the appropriate subforum. If you edit your post make sure to post a reply so we know you have edited it! Thank you for applying and showing interest, have a good day~
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Jesse1016
Posts: 4
Joined: Thu Sep 01, 2016 7:58 pm
MC name: CaptainRex1018

Re: Rexs Application

Post: # 12076Post Jesse1016 »

Ok sorry that i was gone had to go somewhere ,but im back ,and the app is all fixed ,and ready for you to decide also thankyou for telling me what was wrong ,and what was ok.
User avatar
Misha
Posts: 917
Joined: Sat Aug 23, 2014 2:55 pm
MC name: Mishpelled

Re: Rexs Application

Post: # 12087Post Misha »

Hello! Sorry for the delay, I've been a little bit busy, but I'm available now! I appreciate your effort, however there is still some problems with your app. Some of which are old things which needs to be revised more and remains a problem, others are newer things you put that does not fit. I'll copy and edit the previous feedback for the parts which remain a problem.

—Roleplay Questions & Lore—
• Your description for powergaming isn't completely wrong, but it isn't completely right. I would like for you to provide an example as well as how to avoid it so I'm sure you know what it is. Also the description for retroactive continuity is off. We have a guide with the descriptions of each of these here, but please make sure you understand and rewrite it in your own words.
• Your description for a Mary Sue is off. I recommend looking it up on google or something and giving a little bit more on what could define a Mary Sue.
• You put Aurelina instead of Aurelia.

—General Character Questions—
• Your skin/appearace does not match the aesthetic of the server. For an idea what might be more appropriate you can google 50s fashion, or just have what is generally normal clothing (with the exception of hoodies and headphones). In addition, this needs to be at least a paragraph (at least 5 sentences) long.
- To be clear, when I meant by 'the exception of hoodies and headphones' I mean those are not allowed. I meant things like t-shirts and jeans.
• His personality needs to be at least a paragraph (at least 5 sentences) long. Perhaps go into detail on how he interacts with strangers, and how he might interact towards friends. In addition, his personality is rather conflicting (he is cold but he likes to help?) Please try to expand upon this more so this makes sense or adjust it to fit.
• There is quite a few things about your biography I'd like to discuss or mention...
  • - Is there a reasoning behind this arsonist man with red spiky hair? I'm not entirely comfortable with random crazy arsonists in the stories of new players, especially when it's rather unnecessary. This story can be pretty much the same if it the house caught on fire through an accident and if you removed the second bit with him/
    - You suddenly changed from third person to first person near the end there. I recommend using complete third person; write this if this were a (normal) book.
—Open Response Questions—
For this part you have to write your responses in third person and with the best grammar you can manage, so write it more as if it were from a book! You're also gonna have to be a tad more creative and go into more detail! How does your character react or feel about whatever happens? Add dialogue or actions- and feel free to roleplay for the other character(s) in this situation. Just do enough to make it fit the one paragraph requirement at least for the second one!

—Other—
• We use 'Pixel' to replace 'Poke', so we have Pixelmon and Pixelballs in this universe! I want you to be aware and fix anything that says otherwise.
Before I stop, I would like to finish off by saying that Toro is a serious RP server, so correct grammar and spelling is important- so important it's in the rules! When writing up something please try and look over it and make sure it has correct spelling and grammar.

There's review numero dos. If you revise your app let us know by replying once again, and like I said before: if you want to discuss it further you are free to post a reply, message me in PMs, or contact me on skype at Mishakiara. If you have any problems, questions, or concerns feel free to do any of those options as well. Anywho, thank you for showing interest and have a lovely day!
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Jesse1016
Posts: 4
Joined: Thu Sep 01, 2016 7:58 pm
MC name: CaptainRex1018

Re: Rexs Application

Post: # 12088Post Jesse1016 »

well i fixed but im ok at it also that if there are anymore problems with the responses tell me
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Misha
Posts: 917
Joined: Sat Aug 23, 2014 2:55 pm
MC name: Mishpelled

Re: Rexs Application

Post: # 12093Post Misha »

Hello! I don't wanna keep you waiting but I'm a lil' bit tired so I won't say much, I'm just gonna copy and paste what's needed and add notes~

—General Character Questions—
Your appearance is better, though I would like to comment that his height of 6'7" ft is extremely tall. I'd recommend lowering it some, you can google 'average height for male' to see what might be more appropriate. If you're aware it's rather tall and want to keep it anyway then let me know / mention his his appearance that he's "extremely tall, his height being #"

—Open Response Questions—
For this part you have to write your responses in third person and with the best grammar you can manage, so write it more as if it were from a book! You're also gonna have to be a tad more creative and go into more detail! How does your character react or feel about whatever happens? Add dialogue or actions- and feel free to roleplay for the other character(s) in this situation.
- Your first paragraph has improved, but your second response is still lacking!

—Other—
Before I stop, I would like to finish off by saying that Toro is a serious RP server, so correct grammar and spelling is important- so important it's in the rules! When writing up something please try and look over it and make sure it has correct spelling and grammar. You must improve and fix your writing mistakes some before we can accept you.

As always, say something if you need anything, and reply if you revise it. I hope you had a nice day~
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Jesse1016
Posts: 4
Joined: Thu Sep 01, 2016 7:58 pm
MC name: CaptainRex1018

Re: Rexs Application

Post: # 12094Post Jesse1016 »

ok it has been done im 90percent sure it is right ,and done.
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Misha
Posts: 917
Joined: Sat Aug 23, 2014 2:55 pm
MC name: Mishpelled

Re: Rexs Application

Post: # 12096Post Misha »

Alright, I took a peek at the application once again! The emote is longer, but you seemed to have forgotten to use any sort of quotations. In addition, there is still one other very flaw that is stopping me from accepting your application: your grammar/writing skills. I really appreciate your effort, and generally I can let some mistakes slide, however there is a glaring amount of English mistakes. Like I've mentioned in the previous reviews, as this is a serious RP server correct grammar and spelling is important.
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