Skylar4284's Character Profile

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Skylar4284
Posts: 69
Joined: Tue Nov 27, 2018 12:39 pm
MC name: EpicEphe12

Skylar4284's Character Profile

Post: # 13888Post Skylar4284 »

Minecraft Name: Skylar4284
Character Name: Luna Astrid Starin
Nicknames: Nova
Age: 15
Birthday: Winter 28, 1053
Gender: Female
Status: Not in a relationship

Description
Height: 5 FT
Weight: 105 Pounds
Eyes: Pink
Hair: Galaxy
Skin: Light tan
Markings: None
Health Issues: Moderate to severe anxiety
Key Inventory items: Purse
Other:

Life Style
Religion: Arceusism
Profession(s): No official profession in Toro adventures
Title(s): Miss

Pixelmon
Species: Fox
Nickname: Fennekin
Gender: Male
Nature: Protective but sweet
History: Found in alola while my character was on a music tour

Biography
Parents: Lunar Atlas Starin and Andromeda Ophelia Starin
Siblings: None
Children: None
Extended Family: Solar Atlas Starin (grandfather), Sarah Galexia Starin (grandmother), David John Nash (grandfather of Luna and father of Andromeda), Ophelia Hailey Nash (grandmother of luna and mother of andromeda), Taurus Solar Starin (uncle of Luna and brother of Lunar), Rosella Daisy Starin (aunt of Luna and sister in law of Lunar), Juliet Astrid Starin (cousin of Luna and daughter of Taurus and Rosella.
History: Luna was born in Unova. Her family was one of the richest families in Unova and she grew up with the best education, things, and opportunities her parents could get her. As she grew up her parents recognized her amazing singing ability and had her enrolled in voice lessons at age 3. When she was 10 years old they signed her into a record company called Glitter and she became a pop star known by the stage name Nova Astrid. Since she was famous she heard about a region called Toro Adventures and made the decision she wanted to move there. Since she was 15 her parents gave her permission to move there.

Nature
Personality: Shy and caring
Strengths: Her kindess and courage to face her fears
Weaknesses: Shy personality, naivety, fear of huge crowds (she mostly has overcome that at least during shows)
Alignment: Neutral Good
Ambitions: To continue her career as a singer and eventually have a family of her own

Artwork: (Please include original links)
https://www.minecraftskins.com/skin/127 ... -pop-star/
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Vernon
Posts: 669
Joined: Sat Aug 30, 2014 10:55 am
MC name: MirroredPanda
Discord: MirroredPanda#6969

Re: Skylar4284's Character Profile

Post: # 13889Post Vernon »

Hey Rachel!

So, there's actually quite a few problems with this profile. I'm gonna take things from the top, and go down to the bottom and address issues as I go along.

First of all, your age. Your character, in this world, is a minor. By a year, actually. It's an easy fix, but you really need to change the age to 16 at least for this server. Older is better, for a little bit of experience of sustaining themselves on their own without the help of others, but I'm going to ask for a minimum of 16.

Next I'd say the hair needs to be better defined. "Galaxy" made me think her hair is like the night sky, which isn't OK. I looked at the skin though, and hair like that isn't really...natural. Even in Pokemon. Like, I've managed to get away with it but the colors generally stick with genetics of pre-established characters. If your character's hair ISN'T natural, then don't bother with it, because this region does not have hair-dye and the dye would have worn off by the time they even arrive at the island, as the boat ride takes at LEAST 2 weeks.

For your Pixelmon, minor thing, Fennekin is the Pixelmon species, not 'Fox'. Also for history, you should probably expand more on it, and not write "my character". It should be more of something like this:
Vernon wrote:Volt was August's Ranger Partner. Much like his trainer, he's ambitious and energetic, but serious when it comes down to it. He's August's second, and the two are rarely ever seen apart.
I'm also going to quickly point out, Fennekin isn't native to Alola, it's native to Kalos. So maybe something you'd wanna fix.

Now for the backstory. There's a lot here, so I'll try to be detailed in my response. The biggest issue we have here is your character taking voice lessons at age 3. That's far too young for anyone to start with vocal lessons, far FAR too young to be able to be identified as a good singer. Have you ever heard a three year old sing? They don't. They SCREAM out of key. Not only that, a three year old would not be capable of paying enough attention to really learn any skills of that sort. A more realistic age would be 6-8 years old, being lenient, and even then is too young to tell if they're going to make it big.

Following that, a record company would not very likely sign a 10 year old anything into music. Boys and girls are just about to enter puberty (girls sooner than boys) at that age, and their voices will change, at least to some degree. Not only that, it's still a ten year old, who wouldn't have the discipline/want to spend the hours of practice, being told what to do and how to do it, and so on, without throwing large tantrums.

There's also the retro-style aesthetic Toro has. Pop is a niche sort of style, like Vaporwave is today. The big players in music in Toro's world is Rock and Jazz, but you could probably find some country-style music with general ease, so something like "Fame as a popstar" may be hard to come by.

Lastly, the region is not called 'Toro Adventures'. If you read the FAQ, which I said multiple times to read in full, one of the earliest questions is 'What is this region named'. And the response to that is
"There is none yet."
Ending the backstory nitpicking there, the personality is three words. We, just like a whitelist application, require a paragraph minimum for the personality. Please go into detail.

To end this with, I highly recommend you do not make this character as is. A pop-star will not be well suited for helping grow a region that has yet to build a single structure. They will not be physically or mentally able to 'rough it'. While I can't STOP you, I just want to highly discourage it.
User avatar
Skylar4284
Posts: 69
Joined: Tue Nov 27, 2018 12:39 pm
MC name: EpicEphe12

Re: Skylar4284's Character Profile

Post: # 13890Post Skylar4284 »

Minecraft Name: Skylar4284
Character Name: Luna Astrid Starin
Nicknames: Nova
Age: 14
Birthday: Winter 28, 1053
Gender: Female
Status: Not in a relationship

Description
Height: 5 FT
Weight: 105 Pounds
Eyes: Original Color is blue but she uses color contacts to make them pink
Hair: Original color is brown but with a permanent dye she was able to dye it a mix of blue, pink, and purple
Skin: Light tan
Markings: None
Health Issues: Moderate to severe anxiety
Key Inventory items: Purse
Other:

Life Style
Religion: Arceusism
Profession(s): No official profession in Toro adventures
Title(s): Miss

Pixelmon
Species: Fox
Nickname: Fennekin
Gender: Male
Nature: Protective but sweet
History: Fennekin was a baby when he was found by Luna. She found him while she was taking a vacation in Kalos.

Biography
Parents: Lunar Atlas Starin and Andromeda Ophelia Starin
Siblings: None
Children: None
Extended Family: Solar Atlas Starin (grandfather), Sarah Galexia Starin (grandmother), David John Nash (grandfather of Luna and father of Andromeda), Ophelia Hailey Nash (grandmother of luna and mother of andromeda), Taurus Solar Starin (uncle of Luna and brother of Lunar), Rosella Daisy Starin (aunt of Luna and sister in law of Lunar), Juliet Astrid Starin (cousin of Luna and daughter of Taurus and Rosella.
History: Luna was born in Unova. Her family was one of the richest families in Unova and she grew up with the best education, things, and opportunities her parents could get her. As she grew up her parents started to recognize she had an amazing singing ability and had her enrolled in singing lessons at the age of 9. She grew her singing talent as well as her education and was able to get into a well-known school. As she grew older though she got tired of just singing to herself and she wanted to share her singing talent so she worked hard until she was able to sign a contract with a record company called Glitter at the age of 15. She continued her singing career until the age of 16 where she decided she wanted to move to a newly found region that she had recently hear about. She asked her parents if she could go and they gave her permission. She boarded the boat and set off for a new life.
Nature
Personality: Luna is very shy. Although she wanted to share her singing talent she was very scared up until age 15. Even though Luna is shy she has a very bright personality and is friendly to everyone. She has learned to overcome her shyness so she can meet with her fans and make their day. Luna is also very kind to everyone and everything. She tries to help everyone and everything around. Because of her personality she has always dreamed of being a doctor as well as sharing her talent of singing.
Strengths: Her kindess and courage to face her fears
Weaknesses: Shy personality, naivety, fear of huge crowds (she mostly has overcome that at least during shows)
Alignment: Neutral Good
Ambitions: To eventually get a job as a doctor, have a family of her own, and continue sharing her ability with the world without making it a full time career.

Artwork: (Please include original links)
https://www.minecraftskins.com/skin/127 ... -pop-star/
User avatar
Vernon
Posts: 669
Joined: Sat Aug 30, 2014 10:55 am
MC name: MirroredPanda
Discord: MirroredPanda#6969

Re: Skylar4284's Character Profile

Post: # 13892Post Vernon »

Hey, so uh... you made your character...younger, rather than older, like I said, and in your backstory, you mention "when she turned 15." and "When she turned 16." You've also shoehorned in "Becoming a doctor" which feels tacked on and out of place with this character.

(You also forgot to change your character's birth year to reflect the changes you made.)

There's also the point of... "permanent hair dye." As far as I know, there's no way to safely FORCE your hair to change. Your hair color is genetic. There's NOTHING that's going to make newly grown hair retain that dyed color. Any real method of changing your hair color permanently will likely also damage your hair severely.

You also didn't fix the thing with the Fennekin.

Also, you didn't have to have 'colored contacts' for the eyes. The unnatural color of the eyes was fine. Plus I'm pretty sure Toro's world doesn't have colored contacts.
User avatar
Skylar4284
Posts: 69
Joined: Tue Nov 27, 2018 12:39 pm
MC name: EpicEphe12

Re: Skylar4284's Character Profile

Post: # 13895Post Skylar4284 »

Minecraft Name: Skylar4284
Character Name: Luna Astrid Starin
Nicknames: Nova
Age: 16
Birthday: Winter 28, 1052
Gender: Female
Status: Not in a relationship

Description
Height: 5 FT
Weight: 105 Pounds
Eyes: Pink
Hair: Pink, Blue, and Purple
Skin: Light tan
Markings: None
Health Issues: Moderate to severe anxiety
Key Inventory items: Purse
Other:

Life Style
Religion: Arceusism
Profession(s): No official profession in Toro adventures
Title(s): Miss

Pixelmon
Species: Fox
Nickname: Fennekin
Gender: Male
Nature: Protective but sweet
History: Fennekin is very sweet and caring much like his trainer Luna. Knowing Luna's shy personality and anxiety he is always very protective of her and will do anything to keep her safe and happy.

Biography
Parents: Lunar Atlas Starin and Andromeda Ophelia Starin
Siblings: None
Children: None
Extended Family: Solar Atlas Starin (grandfather), Sarah Galexia Starin (grandmother), David John Nash (grandfather of Luna and father of Andromeda), Ophelia Hailey Nash (grandmother of luna and mother of andromeda), Taurus Solar Starin (uncle of Luna and brother of Lunar), Rosella Daisy Starin (aunt of Luna and sister in law of Lunar), Juliet Astrid Starin (cousin of Luna and daughter of Taurus and Rosella.
History: Luna was born in Unova. Her family was one of the richest families in Unova and she grew up with the best education, things, and opportunities her parents could get her. As she grew up her parents started to recognize she had an amazing singing ability and had her enrolled in singing lessons at the age of 9. She grew her singing talent as well as her education and was able to get into a well-known school. As she grew older though she got tired of just singing to herself and she wanted to share her singing talent so she worked hard until she was able to sign a contract with a record company called Glitter at the age of 13. She continued her singing career until the age of 15 where she realized that although being a celebrity was everything she wanted she actually wanted to do something with her life. She researched many careers until she came to medical careers. Seeing how much help and love doctors give to their patients Luna decided that that career would fulfill her and she would ultimately be able to make a difference. Luna ended up quitting her singing career at 15 and started studying so she could get to college and then later get through medical school and eventually become a doctor. One year later she heard of a new unamed region that was in need of people like her and would be able to provide her the means to pursue her new dream. She asked her parents and they said she could go so she packed her bags and boarded the boat to a new life.
Personality: Luna is very shy. Although she wanted to share her singing talent she was very scared up until age 15. Even though Luna is shy she has a very bright personality and is friendly to everyone. She has learned to overcome her shyness so she can meet with her fans and make their day. Luna is also very kind to everyone and everything. She tries to help everyone and everything around. This is partly the reason she decided that becoming a doctor was better than continuing her singing career.
Strengths: Her kindess and courage to face her fears
Weaknesses: Shy personality, naivety, fear of huge crowds (she mostly has overcome that at least during shows)
Alignment: Neutral Good
Ambitions: To eventually get a job as a doctor, have a family of her own, and continue sharing her ability with the world without making it a full time career.
User avatar
Skylar4284
Posts: 69
Joined: Tue Nov 27, 2018 12:39 pm
MC name: EpicEphe12

Re: Skylar4284's Character Profile

Post: # 13911Post Skylar4284 »

Minecraft Name: Skylar4284
Character Name: Luna Astrid Starin
Nicknames: Nova
Age: 16
Birthday: Winter 28, 1052
Gender: Female
Status: Not in a relationship

Description
Height: 5 FT
Weight: 105 Pounds
Eyes: Pink
Hair: Pink and Blue
Skin: Light tan
Markings: None
Health Issues: Moderate to severe anxiety
Key Inventory items: Purse
Other:

Life Style
Religion: Arceusism
Profession(s): No official profession in Toro adventures
Title(s): Miss

Pixelmon
Species: Fox
Nickname: Fennekin
Gender: Male
Nature: Protective but sweet
History: Fennekin is very sweet and caring much like his trainer Luna. Knowing Luna's shy personality and anxiety he is always very protective of her and will do anything to keep her safe and happy.

Biography
Parents: Lunar Atlas Starin and Andromeda Ophelia Starin
Siblings: None
Children: None
Extended Family: Solar Atlas Starin (grandfather), Sarah Galexia Starin (grandmother), David John Nash (grandfather of Luna and father of Andromeda), Ophelia Hailey Nash (grandmother of luna and mother of andromeda), Taurus Solar Starin (uncle of Luna and brother of Lunar), Rosella Daisy Starin (aunt of Luna and sister in law of Lunar), Juliet Astrid Starin (cousin of Luna and daughter of Taurus and Rosella.
History: Luna was born in Unova. Her family was one of the richest families in Unova and she grew up with the best education, things, and opportunities her parents could get her. From a very young age, she was interested in science so her parents got her a private science tutor. She also loved to sing so for a little while she was also taking voice lessons. When she turned 12 she decided she wanted to become a Doctor. She studied hard up until age 15 when she was accepted into a top notch highschool. She studied for a year and then decided she wanted to join the growing X region. Luna hopes she will be accepted into the region and be able to continue her studies.
Strengths: Her kindess and courage to face her fears
Weaknesses: Shy personality, naivety, fear of huge crowds (she mostly has overcome that at least during shows)
Alignment: Neutral Good
Ambitions: To eventually get a job as a doctor and have a family of her own.
User avatar
Vernon
Posts: 669
Joined: Sat Aug 30, 2014 10:55 am
MC name: MirroredPanda
Discord: MirroredPanda#6969

Re: Skylar4284's Character Profile

Post: # 13913Post Vernon »

Hey! I'm not going to accept this Profile's most recent edit, actually. I created a Discord Group DM with you, myself, and Rosy a while back for us to help you work on your profile, and help you write something that would fit Toro's lore and standards. Please read what I posted in there, and send a message in that group DM, and I'll help you there.
User avatar
Skylar4284
Posts: 69
Joined: Tue Nov 27, 2018 12:39 pm
MC name: EpicEphe12

Re: Skylar4284's Character Profile

Post: # 13917Post Skylar4284 »

Minecraft Name: Skylar4284
Character Name: Caroline Lacey Smith
Nicknames: Carol
Age: 16
Birthday: Spring 14, 1056
Gender: Female
Status: Single

Description
Height: 5 FT 2 In
Weight: 118
Eyes: Sea Blue
Hair: Reddish/Brown
Skin: Tan
Markings: None
Health Issues: None
Key Inventory items: None in particular
Other:

Life Style
Religion: Arceuism
Profession(s): Farming
Title(s): Ms.

Pixelmon
Species: Fox
Nickname: Fennekin
Gender: Female
Nature: Helpful and sweet
History: Fennikin is very helpful and good natured like her trainer Caroline. The two are inseparable.

Biography
Parents: Austin Forrest Smith and Lacey Anna Smith
Siblings: Hunter Coy Smith
Children: None
Extended Family: Fathers side: Colt Davis Smith and Laura Harlene (Austins Parents), Preston Holt Smith (Austins brother) and his wife Virginia June Smith and child Connie Dallas Smith, Willow Iona Smith (Austins and Prestons sister) Mothers side: Jebediah Lawson Lee and Annabelle Daisy Lee (Laceys Parents)
History: Caroline grew up on a farm with her parents, brother, and extended family. Her family had lived on a farm in Johto for many generations. She was homeschooled because where their farm was located was in the middle of nowhere. When she turned 16 and had almost finished homeschool highschool she decided she wanted to expand her horizons and be with other people besides her family. She got permission from her parents to travel to a new region known as the X Region as they were looking for more farmers and she believed it would be a great opportunity to expand her farming.

Nature
Personality: Helpful, kind, and determined
Strengths: Her kind and determined personality
Weaknesses: Occasional shyness and not knowing when to let go of something
Alignment: Neutral Good
Ambitions: To make her farming ability into a business and have a family of her own

Artwork: https://www.minecraftskins.com/skin/12826195/cowgirl/
User avatar
Skylar4284
Posts: 69
Joined: Tue Nov 27, 2018 12:39 pm
MC name: EpicEphe12

Re: Skylar4284's Character Profile

Post: # 13921Post Skylar4284 »

Minecraft Name: Skylar4284
Character Name: Caroline Lacey Smith
Nicknames: Carol
Age: 16
Birthday: Spring 14, 1056
Gender: Female
Status: Single

Description
Height: 5 FT 2 In
Weight: 118
Eyes: Sea Blue
Hair: Reddish/Brown
Skin: Tan
Markings: None
Health Issues: None
Key Inventory items: None in particular
Other:

Life Style
Religion: Arceuism
Profession(s): Farming
Title(s): Ms.

Pixelmon
Species: Fox
Nickname: Fennekin
Gender: Female
Nature: Helpful and sweet
History: Fennikin is very helpful and good natured like her trainer Caroline. The two are inseparable.

Biography
Parents: Austin Forrest Smith and Lacey Anna Smith
Siblings: Hunter Coy Smith
Children: None
Extended Family: Fathers side: Colt Davis Smith and Laura Harlene (Austins Parents), Preston Holt Smith (Austins brother) and his wife Virginia June Smith and child Connie Dallas Smith, Willow Iona Smith (Austins and Prestons sister) Mothers side: Jebediah Lawson Lee and Annabelle Daisy Lee (Laceys Parents)
History: Caroline grew up on a farm with her parents, brother, and extended family. Her family had lived on a farm in Johto for many generations. She was homeschooled because where their farm was located was in the middle of nowhere. When she turned 16 and had almost finished homeschool highschool she decided she wanted to expand her horizons and be with other people besides her family. She got permission from her parents to travel to a newly found region as they were looking for more farmers and she believed it would be a great opportunity to expand her farming.

Nature
Personality: Caroline has a very bright personality. She loves helping people and especially loves helping her family. At times she can be shy but most of the time she is known to be very good around other people. She is also very driven and will try her hardest to reach her goals.
Strengths: Her kind and determined personality
Weaknesses: Occasional shyness and not knowing when to let go of something
Alignment: Neutral Good
Ambitions: To make her farming ability into a business and have a family of her own

Artwork: https://www.minecraftskins.com/skin/12826195/cowgirl/
User avatar
Vernon
Posts: 669
Joined: Sat Aug 30, 2014 10:55 am
MC name: MirroredPanda
Discord: MirroredPanda#6969

Re: Skylar4284's Character Profile

Post: # 13924Post Vernon »

Image
Definite improvement! I'll have someone whitelist you soonish.
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